being a mother..

I'm crazy.

Of Twilight Saga books. Ok let's not talk about twilight coz later u've to make me stop. Besides..am sooo ketinggalan kan. Haha. Like i care.

It's just that, it seems hard for me to focus on something else when i haven't finished reading the books. So i guess i have to speed up. It annoys me sometimes bila i macam too absorbed dgn buku sampai tak berapa nak fokus main dgn sofea. But i'm so desperately wanna finish the book. It's so different now when you are a mother. Tak boleh la suka2 buat perangai macam orang tak de anak kan? Somehow i'm so grateful i ada bibik yang boleh diharap so i can still find time for myself.

Sofea can speak in her own words now.Babababa..mamamama..emememe...pahh..dah pandai hulur2 botol or makanan kalau dia nak minum/makan, always cannot wait to take a bath (seriously loves water), wanna eat whatever we we're eating, suka ambil baju buat2 mcm nak pakai tudung, ambil key n jalan sampai pintu (konon2 nak keluar rumahla), tak keruan bila daddy n mommy dah pakai complete mcm nak keluar rumah, asyik nak daddy dukung bila outing, likes watching video clip Maher Zain, dah pandai salam n cium tangan, dah pandai kissing (ops.haha). etc etc etc.

But she has one problem so far. I dunno if it's normal for toddlers to sleep around 12-1 a.m in the morning. Sangat lambat ok nak tunggu dia ngantuk. Haihh. Sometimes it's getting on my nerves n tak pasal2 mommy yg getting upset sebab ngantuk. I admit i've lack of patience when i'm sleepy or in pain (menstrual pain for example). n i totally regret it.

Kadang tidur sekejap dia tiba2 terjaga n nangis2 nak dukung. I yg dah terlelap-lelap ni of cozla take time nak compose myself kan. By that time, it's too late sebab she's getting more upset n crying badly. Thankfully mylocx yg keje night shift kat rumah ni is being helpful n mulalah dukung2 sofea n tawaf dalam rumah. N i get a very bad habit of showing my temper kat mylocx instead. (yang mulanya upset sbb ngantuk n bila i dukung sofea tak mau benti nangis)..
n as soon as i've done it, i felt so guilty n regretting it. Haihh. It's tough job being a mom i would say.

N of coz if i'm in a conscious state of mind..i always remind myself not to behave that way again. It took all my patience to get up every 3 or 4 times in the middle of the night to feed her or to comfort her. There's no a good night sleep for me except for once in a while. That's y i prefer breastfeed her n lying beside her rather than getting up to do whatever i've to do to bottle-feed her. But sometimes she doesn't seem to get enough breast milk that i've to feed her with formula. It's not always predictable u know, being a mother.

ahh enough of those mother talks. I'm in holiday mode now. Yes i'm soo enjoying it as i dun have to worry about works n schools n students bla bla bla. Those are the major cause of my stress. Haha. What? Dun bother telling me about integrity whatsoever. I'm a human n gimme a break. Not a vampire or something.( Ha sudahh..influence of twilight sudah mariii).

Besides, i don't think i'm good at coping with stress...even though people r telling me otherwise. Whatever.

Daa.